Monday, February 22, 2016

I am still a quilter even though I'm not quilting.

Yesterday a friend asked me, "What project are you working on?"
and I said, "I'm not."

I have been taking some time to sort out the new sewing space and in doing so, I'm letting my mind wander.  See.  Touch.  Accept.
Every day I come back to the piles, I see new things.  Understand more.  I am looking at the story of my life and contemplating how I feel about it.

From that conversation:
Just trying to consolidate and organize
So many of my piles and deliberate separations don't mean anything anymore.   
I see choices I made. 
How I hid and tried to find happiness in this accumulation 
Grasping at slivers of joy 
When in truth it's making that gives joy 
And using handmade that brings the most satisfaction 
I long to sew again. But the time isn't right 
I can be patient there 
I think sometimes that I could make better use of the child-free evenings, but I know exploring other parts of myself is doing me so much good.  I can't hide in the cocoon of quilting that I've lived in forever. 

Quilting was coping.  Stunted growth.
I need to stretch and then come back to making.
Stretch, and then come back to making.

What is me and what were the walls I had built for myself?  I am questioning everything.  It feels good to do so, though it's not easy.   It hurts less these days though, and that is good.  Spring is coming, I can smell it.  Change and growth.  I want to wash off the old ideas that don't fit anymore.  And my stash.  Ugh. Just.. why?  What was I thinking?  And then I see it.  So many times, I wasn't.  I wasn't thinking, I was feeling.  An acquisition would give a momentary rush.  A new quilt idea would distract me for another hour, another day.  But my life, where was it?  Now I see.  It's like I was sleeping and I have woken up.

Monday, December 14, 2015

There has been no sewing.  No fabric fondling.  Not a hint of quilt making going on at my place in the past week.  I did unpack some boxes and find a bunch of forgotten UFOs (2012 Christmas quilt, anyone?), but the machine sits, in my bedroom, untouched.  I even stacked up all my EPP and applique project boxes to make room for other things.  Maybe next week, who knows?

This weekend we tackled Christmas cards.
We also hung out at the playground, read The Stinky Cheese Man, and played with the train set.  I may have even gotten a nap.. I woke up on the couch at some point completely covered in stuffed animals..

So yeah, good weekend.  No sewing.
How about you?


Wednesday, December 2, 2015


A couple boxes each day and I'm managing to unpack my new life.
This one was full of "keepsakes from Japan"

See my old cell phones?  J-Phone, hehe.  A flip phone, and it was powder blue.  I loved that thing.  K-tai straps, natsukashii~.  I found a bunch of notes from my old students (I taught at a high school in Hokkaido in 2001-2002) and going away presents from my friends.  For some reason I also saved all the points cards from all the shops I went to that year, including Kanariya <3 p="">
So, I found the sewing table.

 And then I buried it again so we could have our first play dates last weekend.
 I'm happy to report it looks much tidier now (though it's far from being in order or actually tidy-- but everything is relative), and Cricket is happy to have a constant source of entertainment for her curiosity.

We managed to get the tree up too (though it only has 3 ornaments at the moment).  Fingers crossed we can add more this weekend.  And that Jack treats the tree a bit better this year than last year...

Home Ec Club is making christmas ornaments tomorrow, if they come out cute, I'll try to get photos.

Monday, November 30, 2015

Monday Morning Star Count, November 30, 2015

I have not even sewn one stitch this week.  I did manage to find my cutting table and mat, and it was nice to see them after what seemed like too long, but I didn't cut anything.  I didn't press anything.  I didn't do much other than ponder how I will organize my new space.

If you have stitched though, please tell us!

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Chaos vs. Routine

Chaos has been winning as of late.
I'm trying to be gentle with myself..

I love that my life has some direction now; the positive changes, the new space, the room to heal and grow.. but I crave routine.  Why is that?
Because it lowers anxiety?  There was something on WNYC this week about taxi drivers and how they decide how many hours to work each day.  Setting a goal of how much $ to make and then once they reach it, they can stop working.  The piece questioned why setting that goal is important, and it said that when the system is in place, it helps with self control.  You don't have to constantly worry and question what you should do from hour to hour.  You can coast a bit.  The system will guide you.
I'm not a taxi driver, but I really connected with that sentiment.  (the report went on to say taxi drivers can make more money if they use a slightly different system, but money making strategies are not my goal here..)

If I have a routine, I can let go a little.  I don't need to think.  I don't need to worry.  Chaos is exhausting.  Right now I'm pacing through the apartment in circles trying to remember if I've forgotten anything before I leave, and twice this week I got to the car and had to go back inside because I thought I had forgotten something.  Both times it was a false alarm, but still, chaos.

I'm not even going to mention trying to sew right now.  I can't think about it.  Well, that's not true. I do think about it.  I even bought a simplicity pattern for pajamas this week and had grand daydreams of stitching Christmas presents this year.. but... we'll see how far I get there.
The chaos v. routine thing totally applies to quilting though.  That's why EPP travel kits are so wonderful, right?  There's a system, a routine.  Pack the kit.  Baste, piece, join, repeat.  No thought.  Effortless progress.  Effortless living.

*Deep sigh*

Life will fall into place.  I trust it will.  Tao's got me.

Monday, November 23, 2015

Monday Morning Star Count, November 23, 2015

Hey, how about a little EPP?
I've been meaning to make a MMSC picture that I can post even when life doesn't let me sew, and I finally got around to it.  What do you think?

Here's the linky.  Please share your EPP progress!
Everyone is welcome to join, even basting one hexie counts!